Wha?!?!

"I didn't know you were gona be giving me electric shocks!" Or, at least that's what I SHOULD have said to the 'nurse' lady at the voodo doctors "clinic." You see, they have these little paddles (not like the ones from pre-school when you've been bad, but sorta) and these little paddles are plugged into the WALL. Yes. The Wall. Now, WHY would something need to be plugged into the wall? I'll tell you why - so it can SHOCK me. That's why.

As I waltzed into the "therapy" room I had no idea of what was awaiting me. I laid down on the massaging table (a good sign) and rested my head on the little head rest thingy covered with non-germy paper stuff (you know what I'm talking about). I can feel the warmth of the freshly sanitized paddles being placed all over by back. They had them all over. (did I mention it was warm?) Then came the ice. ICE? Why ice? I like warm - not ice. Oh well... Now came the fun part... "just tell me 'when' " said the nurse lady. "When?!" I said. "oh ya, tell me when it gets too painful." Wha?!? I came to these people out of the naieveness of my heart and here they are doing things that will cause me pain? Hmmmm

Suddenly I felt my arms doing things that I had not previously instructed them to do. Whooom to the right, and twitch to the left. "Who's doing this?" I thought to myself. That's when I realized that I forgot to say "when" and had to have the nurse back off on the juice a little. She then ramped up my lower back in the same fashion and said "OK, now just relax" and left me in the room ALL BY MYSELF, hooked up to the shocker machine. It wasn't too bad actually. I kind of enjoyed that 12 minutes of involuntary movement as I pondered the complexities of the universe and wondered how bad the red mark on my face would be from laying down face first.

That was last week

I went in this morning - a pro in the ways of the voodoo witchery. I knew what to expect and I was ready for it. She hooked me up - I said "when" and we were off. A few minutes into the 'therapy' I got curious. I usually get curious - just not with things that are currently plugged into the wall. I decided to gently lift one of these little paddles off my back 'just to see what would happen.' YeeeeeAAwwwww! Holy sweet mother. That's when the little thing arced a shock to that tender skin at the bottom of my back right before I quickly placed it firmly on my skin. After that little "gem" of an experience I wondered why I put it right back on me if it was shocking me. Is it like when you have your hands wrapped around a snake's head and you don't want to let go because it'll just bite you? I hate it when I find myself with a snake in my hands.